Falling into You
"You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on"
This quote hits home - I felt this book. I owned this book. Now I need to move on. That could be easier said than done because this was such a stunningly beautiful book.
I wasn't always in love with Colton Calloway; I was in love with his younger brother, Kyle, first. Kyle was my first one true love, my first in every way.
Then, one stormy August night, he died, and the person I was died with him.
Colton didn't teach me how to live. He didn't heal the pain. He didn't make it okay. He taught me how to hurt, how to not be okay, and, eventually, how to let go.
This book starts when Nell and Kyle are 16, innocent and honest. Typical teenagers. This is very refreshing for a book which covers such grief-ridden topics.
The blurb tells you all you need to know about how the books goes and this usually would put me off - instead this book is so much more.
Rather than tell you about the story, I'm going to tell you how it made me feel...
First 10% - Giddy. Young.
“I know most people would say we're just kids, or to young too know what love is. But screw that. I've known you my whole entire life. We have shared everything together.”
20%-30% - Distraught, broken, tearful
30%-50% - Nothing. Numb. Like Nell. Like Colton
“She'll hurt me. I know this. I can see it, feel it coming. She's got so much pain, so many cracks and shards and jags in her soul, and I'm going to get cut by her if I'm not careful.”
50%-70% - So incredibly turned on! (Hey, at least I'm honest!)
“You bite your lip, and I want to take that lip into my mouth and suck on it like popsicle. I want to lick your lips and bite them and kiss you until you're fucking lost and gasping and puddled on the floor.” Well...shit. I want that.”
70%-80% - Distraught...again. I couldnt break anymore or I would never recover. Hurt, cold, weepy. But not Lonley, Colton was there for me :)
80%-95% - MORE Broken than before. Not possible, or so I thought.
“Fermented grief is far more potent”
95%-100% - Hopeful. Relieved. Happy. Loved
“I’m not just falling in love with you, Nell. I’m falling into you. You’re an ocean, and I’m falling in, drowning in the depths of who you are. Like you said, it’s scary in a way, but it’s also the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. You are the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.”
I dont honestly know how to recover from this book, I thought it would be an easier read after , but I was SO wrong. This book touched me in ways I didn't think possible and will stay with me for a long time to come.
I so wanted to give it 5 stars but I felt the last 30% was very, very rushed - I wanted this story to go on forever and didnt want this feeling to affect my rating. So I've given myself time to mull over things and still feel that the final part was too rushed so I've reduced my rating by 0.25.
Be prepared when you read this book, it is a rollercoaster of emotions but So So So Beautiful.